"But I'm not a cockbarrista, nor have I ever been," said Hagar at Tuesday's signing for his Van Hagar reunion tour across Cambodia and Middle America, which will feature his brother-in-law Delbert Dinglefruit of Wilmpur, Indiana on lead guitars. Hagar, who has recently been dodging rumors that he is flambouyantly into playing stick shift (with bandmates), only told us that he still can't drive 55, and anything else will be communicated through his publicist. This was said while the idiotic fuckwarden was busy sucking off Phillies catcher Carlos Ruiz. Spoiler Alert: The man swallows."
- New Macedonia Times (a very homophobic newspaper)
I guess this explains Ruiz's terrible OBP. Boooooooo!
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