Soviet Letter to the Blue Jays

After my recent invention of the time machine, I went back in time to the cold war and started World War III. No nukes were used, because every time somebody did use one I just went back in time and deactivated it. Just watching people lunch a bunch of missiles is no fun. The war was evenly matched and the Soviets, not learning from Germany, sent a message asking the Toronto Blue Jays to attack the United States. The letter is presented to you unedited, and translated from Russian.

Dear Toronto Blue Jays management,

As I’m sure you are aware, we are currently engaged in an armed conflict with the United States. Due to our recent nuclear malfunctions we have not been able to gain any ground on the capitalist menace. We ask for your involvement in the war on the side of Communism. In return for your military support we promise to help you regain what is rightfully yours; the fan base of western New York, which was stolen from you by the Mets.

Sincerely,
Leonid Brezhnev

In the end, the Blue Jays entered the war on the side of the United States, along with the Expos and Canucks. With the additional baseball bats, hockey sticks, maple syrup, and strange bacon the North American Allies prevailed and the war was won. In order to repay the Canadian teams for their help the Mets were contracted by Executive order.

Now, you may ask why you don’t remember this. It’s because it never happened. I went back in time again and convinced myself not to build the time machine. Because even though the Mets were contracted(which was awesome), a war was just too much of price to do so. You may also ask why I remember building the time machine and what I did with it if I never built it. Matt Wieters told me what happened, because he knows all.