I don't mean to alarm anyone, but it has been brought to my attention that an attempted breach of security was caught early this morning by our highly advanced Gates of Shadownight defense system. GoS, using deductive reasoning, Occam's Razor, and what little evidence it had to go on, has reported to all the high ranking lieutenants of this movement that it believes the perpetrators of such a heinous action to be none other than our mortal enemies, the partisan hacks over at Wilton's Wild-N-Wacky Washington Blog, a source of all things biased anti-Canadianism and Ryan Zimmerman's RBI total.
Why they felt compelled to try and spit in my cereal, no one can tell us yet. In other words, the motives are still unknown. They probably wanted our secret Pizza Pizza recipe, which they'll have to get by Kung-Lao's hat for.
Rest assured, mates, OJBO will not stand for this. Our troops have been mobilized. They are ready to go at any moment's notice, should we be spammed with Lastings Milledge's 2B total in '08 again.
But, of course, in keeping with the Canadian tradition of peacetime preservation, and sex by the fireplace during the NHL postseason, OJBO has first mailed out this letter to those parties responsible for the flatulent content farted out daily through Wilton's:
Press-Time Edit: As of lunchtime, we believe the pacakge was delivered and the message well received. In fact, as we speak, spy satelites and Google Earth tell us those prickly bitches are cowering in fear beneath their desks. Fucking good, I say. Now they know what kind of ice cold, ruthless blood we are made of in Canada.
A modern-day warrior
Mean, mean stride,
Today's Tom Sawyer
WILL MICROWAVE YOUR SOUL.
-- Prime Minister Snowball
See what I mean, shitpumpkins?
We did not go quietly into the night! We did not go without a fight! This is our moment of nuking Houston!
TODAY WE CELEBRATE...FOUR DAYS SINCE MATT MCWOP SLEPT WITH AN ALIEN BITCH!
Standing Strong As Always,
Fearless Rusty
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