Cito Gaston Is Not Amused, Mr. Clemens

It has been brought to my attention recently, as we near another hallowed date in OJBO history- April 3, most notably- that neither myself or my esteemed colleague have written any new Blue Jays news in, oh, say, 24 hours. Yes, the fetish gear stuff was nice, and Stephane Dion got his comeuppance, but this is a JAYS BLOG. And whoever told you otherwise, IS GARBAGE!

So here's what Cito Gaston, tribal menace extraordinaire and our fearless leader, had to say about Roger Clemens whom he formerly managed in an interview we scored with him behind a sketchy titty bar in downtown Tijuana. In pictures:

OJBO: So, Roger Clemens. Poor guy, eh? Dude's rep has been totally shat on.

Cito:



















OJBO: Oh, right, sorry then. But still, man, you have to give credit where credit is due, right?

Cito:














OJBO: Wow, none? You don't value his time in the Jays organization at all? Surely there was something he brought to the table, no? How was he in the clubhouse?

Cito:



















OJBO: Point taken. But, then, in as concise a way as possible, could you tell me what kind of teammate he was?

Cito:



















OJBO: Cito, you're aware that as the 27th leading source for all things Blue Jay communism on the web, Roger Clemens might be aware of our existence, and may actually come across this article, right? Would you actually, y'know, stand by your words if things escalated? In other words, would you actually say this to his face?

Cito:













OJBO: Good. Last thing we need is someone flaking and making us look shitty. You're a good dude, Cito. Anything you'd like to say to Clemens if he's reading?

Cito:


















OJBO: Strong words, sir. You seem like a man of conviction. Hell, I already think Clemens is shit. But what if he walked through that door right now?

Cito:



















OJBO: Good deal, good deal. To close this off properly, though, where would you say, if you had to narrow it down to one specific thing, all this burning hatred for Roger Clemens stems from? Is there anything about him in particular you hate? Like, did he suffer from chronic bad hair? Was he loud? Did he enjoy Limp Bizkit music in public?

Cito:
















OJBO: Yeah, I guess that about wraps us up, then. Thanks for the time, C.

That's when Cito proceeded to walk back inside and slap a ho while taking 17 more shots of flaming tequila in the timespan of Stairway To Heaven's guitar solo. The man is a Canadian icon, folks. A Canadian icon.

...These are satire.